Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Wait, oh yes, wait a minute, Mr Postman

If you are a biscuit claimer/claimant (you can choose your own suffix, I'm fairly relaxed about this), then today I have been working HARD for YOU.

Warning: red-hot naked biscuit action follows

You lot will catch your death. Put something on…


That's better. Now, if you, readers, are anticipating biscuits by post, take a good look at this:

Not actual size. By sending me your postal address you have agreed to enter into a ribbon lottery whereby ribbon despatched may differ from that pictured.

The next time you see something like it, it will be IN YOUR HOME, emerging from a Jiffy bag like a lumpy, edible butterfly from a padded chrysalis. And also the contents will have disintegrated into a fine brown powder which I would suggest you sprinkle on to some vanilla ice cream or something. You may notice that I have upgraded the container from Chinese carry-out foil carton to the kind of thing you might get a portion of takeaway lasagne from Carluccios in, if you are a profligate gourmand about town. This is because some biscuits are embarking on a journey to NEW ZEALAND, which is about as far away from London SE22 as it's possible to get. And also because I care. I really do.

12 comments:

Salvador said...

I am delighted and genuinely excited by this. The only fly in the ointment is that I've just entered my BMI on my I-Phone weightbot app and it is annoyingly high. Consequently, I'm torn between wanting the biscuits to arrive in powder form to avoid temptation while also feeling this would be a tragedy which in biscuit terms would be up there with the Titanic. My four year old though has just seen the biscuits and has no such dilemma.

Holly said...

Yeah! My biscuits looked EXACTLY like that - ribbon and everything - when they arrived this morning. The way the postman bounded up the stairs it was As If He Knew.

AND, (what the pictures don't show) they are REALLY delicious.

Photos from my end to follow...

Salvador said...

Yes can confirm mine have arrived - still biscuit shaped and with a very fetching pink and green ribbon. I would say it was a prettier ribbon but wouldn't want to put other less privileged noses out of joint. I'm not very blog-savvy so don't know whether I can upload photos direct or should send them to you via e-mail? Either way - I have photos!

Miss Jones said...

This is exciting. Salvador, I'm not that blog-savvy myself. I would recommend you email them. Thank you!

Salvador said...

They're bloody delicious!!! I have deleted my i-phone weight tracking app.

David said...

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=136332&id=559961261&l=2dc0a3d80d

Pictures.

Thank you so much Miss Jones. They didn't last very long.

Salvador said...

I shall do the same as David. Hope this works.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=101666&id=770893380&saved#/album.php?aid=101666&id=770893380

Miss Jones said...

Aww, these pictures are amazing. The tragedy of the broken box! The careless contempt of youth! This tireless field work will be central to the wider research project.

Also, Salvador, I feel it is only a matter of time before the BMI calculation is declared inaccurate and replaced with something else.

The Umbrellas of Sefibourg said...

Danger danger high voltage biscuit Sex!!!11

BMI is rubbish. According to that Jarvis Cocker should be the same as, say, Adam Baldwin because they are both 6ft 4". The science has holes. Some people have heavy bones and generous natural muscle.

Hel said...

Still no biscuits for Hel. :(

Miss Jones said...

Hel, you never sent me your address! Or did you? I don't think I received it. x

Hel said...

Email re-sent! Hx