Sunday, 14 March 2010

Salad days

If you are in the market for a salad spinner, and you're on a budget, I can help you. There was one abandoned on my street this week. I saw it on my way to choir practice. I cannot guarantee that it had not been used as a latrine by passing wildlife – canine, volpine, humine. Any port in a storm.


Not that one ever seems to actively acquire a salad spinner. Has anyone ever bought one? They just seem to find themselves in your kitchen, stoutly defending their corner of a cupboard, all sturdy plastic and 70s colour scheme. An incongruous out-of-timer in an era of pre-packed salad and all its easy charms. A beige alien.

When I was little, a popular strand of storytelling by and for the young involved extraordinary, implausible, unresolvable adventure, culminating in the 'all a dream' get-out. Ninety-nine point seven per cent of the stories I wrote ended like this, fifty-two point seven per cent of the ones I read.

But eventually I learnt what I considered to be a highly sophisticated modulation. When the dreamer awoke to find themselves back in their own world, they would also find some kind of souvenir from the alternate reality they had slumbered themselves into. It wasn't a dream at all! Or was it? Or wasn't it? Or was it?

How could you deny your presence in another dimension, when right in front of your very eyes was an exotic shell, a pair of gloves, a quill, a salad spinner? How else could it have got there?

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have a salad spinner. It is red and green. It was given to me as a wedding present by my now ex-sister-in-law. Strangely enough, she didn't want it back and neither did my ex-husband after the divorce. I couldn't even sell it at a carboot sale. But now, I have learned to love it.

AquaMarina. x

Anonymous said...

An absolute must in French kitchens where lettuces still come as a whole and with actual grit and dirt in! It was Alfie's favourite toy in the kitchen while I cooked when he was a baby. Makes a great noise and spins and ours is bright yellow. Move over Telly-tubbies. We had our own La-la spinner ;-)

Jane said...

I think I bought mine on eBay, although it was new. Have never tried Damien Hirst style painting in it though.

Marc said...

I've got one. You should always wash your bagged salad, Miss Jones

Miss Jones said...

But I'm a young media executive about town, trying to juggle a demanding workload and busy social life. I've no time to be washing bagged salads.

I never expected such a stout defence of salad spinners.

PumpkinSpider said...

You've clearly started something, Aldi across the road from me are now selling salad spinners for about £3.50...!

Anonymous said...

Actually Miss Jones, you have stumbled into a shadowy, secret sect where we all recognise each other by our salad spinners. Keep yours somewhere safe and one day we will come for you to initiate you into the world of spotlessly clean salad.

Your life will never be the same again!

AquaMarina. xxx

legend in his own lunchtime said...

Maybe coming back from an alternate reality is why I can never find some of the clothes I had on from the previous night. Left on a park bench somewhere no doubt