Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Strictly returns! Exciting reader interaction returns! Majority of regular readers experience profound sense of dread!

Hello September

How have you been? You bring me some miserable memories these days, but you also bring
Strictly Come Dancing and legitimise the wearing of tights, so I suppose I'll let you stick around. It's a little known fact that I have full control of the months of the year. Depending on how I do with those, They're going to try me out on the seasons next.

I know what you're thinking as we contemplate the passage of the year. Some of you will be brooding on what has become of your life and all the wide-eyed, wonder-struck dreams of your youth. But realistically most of you are thinking, 'There hasn't been a lame reader-interactive Why Miss Jones competition for a while. When, oh when, will I get the chance to compete for some cack-handed homemade prizes?'

Well, my friends, that particular boat has well and truly come in. RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.

The all-new WMJ competition relates to
Strictly Come Dancing, which I know is of little interest to a significant proportion of the hardcore WMJ readership, but is of MASSIVE OBSESSIVE interest to a large amount of seasonal WMJ traffic.

The contest is a skilfull deconstruct of
Strictly host Sir Bruce Forsyth's Play Your Cards Right, in that you most definitely do get something for a pair in this game. You must predict which recently announced celebrity contestant will be paired with which pro dancer before the 'big reveal' show on Saturday evening. You may want to consider things like compatibility of height, build, whether the pro deserves a better/worse partner than the donkey/super-dancer they had last year and the pair's showmance potential. Or you may just want to guess.

Using the 'Contact me' link on the left, you need to email me your 14 predicted partnerships. The winner will be the person who correctly guesses the most pairs – I'm essentially a traditionalist, so it's a pretty classic contest in that respect. But that's not all. As a bonus question, and possible tie-breaker (and here I'm making a colossal assumption that more than one person will enter), you must predict which celebrity will be the first to say they are going to give it 'x' per cent, where 'x' is a figure in excess of 100, during Saturday's launch show. You must also guess the value of 'x'.

Now don't bore us, get to the chorus. And by 'chorus', I mean 'prizes'. It/they is/are [a] unique, bespoke, highly collectable piece[s] of
Strictly merchandise, lovingly crafted by me. Money literally can't buy these prizes, not least because they don't exist yet. I might get my friend Miss L to help me. She doesn't know this yet. But we'd all be in safer hands that way because she made this.

Let's recap. Send me:
*14 pairs.
*The name of the first percentage overstater, and the percentage
*Your favourite
Strictly professional dancer (this information will relate to your bespoke prize, should you win).

Your entry must reach my inbox by 5pm on Saturday 10 September. You can find a useful list of all the pros and celebs at the bottom of this post.

You may suggest that BBC employees have an unfair advantage. They probably do. But a) I think it's unlikely that any of them are reading this, and b) I know what the prizes are and, with that in mind, I'm not sure an advantage is actually, like, an advantage in this case.

Following the launch show on Saturday, I will post some ill-formed and prematurely judgmental thoughts on the contestants. The hardcore WMJ
Strictly non-tolerators will particularly look forward to this, I know. One of my initial impressions is that there are no EastEnders involved. Probably because last year they witnessed Scott Maslen reduced to a walking cadaver by the demands of the show – or the demands of Natalie – and vowed never to be that hollow-eyed bag of bones. Some people have no sense of adventure.

Helpful list:
CELEBRITIES Men: Harry Judd, Russell Grant, Robbie Savage, Audley Harrison, Rory Bremner, Dan Lobb, Jason Donovan
Women: Lulu, Holly Valance, Nancy Dell'Olio, Edwina Currie, Chelsee Healey, Alex Jones,
Anita Dobson

PROFESSIONALS Men: Brendan Cole, Anton du Beke, James Jordan, Vincent Simone, Robin Windsor, Artem Chigvintsev, Pasha Kovalev (new dancer referred to by Len Goodman on The One Show as 'Pasha the Siberian tiger')
Women: Katya Virshilas, Flavia Cacace, Ola Jordan, Erin Boag, Aliona Vilani, Kristina Rihanoff, Natalie Lowe


Anonymous said...

Surely it has to be Anton with Lulu?!! He deserves to go all the way for once, surely?!!

Sorry, did I say that out loud?

Mr T

Helena said...

So excited about Jason Donovan!

(As much as I love the idea of Vincent Simone twins, replace one in your list with Robin Windsor.)

Miss Jones said...

Thanks. Helena. Clearly wishful thinking on my part...

Zoƫ @rumandreason said...

Still slightly in shock from the whole "Kenny from Press Gang" debacle, but will enter anyway. Apparently the chance of free stuff trumps long held principles.

Also: are Artem and Kara still, y'know? Can we expect reruns of the whole tension-in-training-videos-when-they're-quite-clearly-bonking, possibly with comparisons to this years inevitable couple?

Miss Jones said...

I think Artem and Kara ARE still, y'know. As are Flavia and Jimi Mistry. It seems that true love wears dancing shoes and flammable satin.

I love that my fondness for Kenny from Press Gang has become a debacle.

Anonymous said...

Flavia and Jimi? When did that happen? And why wasn't it flagged up with heavy innuendo at every opportunity on the show?

Ms Rose

Carol35uk said...

I think that they'll put Artem with Holly to add some drama due to the Artem/Kara romance.

Alison Cross said...

due to the vaguaries of blogger coupled with the rotten weather, I haven't been able to log on to your blog until now - after the pairings *sob*

My money's on the lad from Mcfly- he's the right height and looks lovely in a spangly shirt.

Nancy Del Olive Oil and Anton - that's going to be BRILLIANT!!!!!

Ali x

Verns said...

Damn - I missed this competition as my old computer packed up and it took time to get the new one up and running.

And I could have cleaned up as well, since the launch show was pre-recorded on the 7th and the pairings widely leaked on the internet. Just saying. ;)

Miss Jones said...

Yes, Verns, shortly after posting this I became aware that the BBC had ruined the competition AND MY LIFE by pre-recording the show, instead of showing it live, as I think they did last year. Luckily my entrants/readers are of stainless moral character and did not succumb to the lure of the spoiler. For this, and many other things, I salute them.