Wednesday, 11 February 2009

One Hand Typing

I am not the fleet-fingered typist I usually am. This is because my left hand – the more intelligent and athletic of the two – currently looks like this:

And hurts like this: F!@%^&**J%)$^7

Despite its appearance, I didn't get it caught in a cartoon mousetrap. I had a little operation to remove some sub-ungual badness. Yep. I've got me some pretty flash-talkin' terminology. 

Although medical science refutes my theory, I would advise anyone against having nail extensions, even if they are free as part of a body makeover feature five years ago for the failing women's magazine which once employed you.

In the long dark hours while I wait for my allegedly high-strength painkillers to deign to be in any tiny way effective, I am amusing myself by performing silhouetted impressions of E.T. against my white walls, and ordering and reordering my preference of day-surgery-ward complimentary biscuits. It mostly goes like this:

1 Bourbons
2 Digestives
3 Custard creams
4 Fruit shortcake
5 Shorties

but sometimes I swap round the digestives and the custard creams.


Anonymous said...

You poor thing! I recommend a cocktail of codeine, ibuprofen and paracetomol... you can take all 3 safely together but only an amateur takes them at the same time: space them out so there's always something about to kick in. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Anonymous said...

I love how your crossed feet make a little pair of ears a la Fingermouse of Fingerbobs fame. Must have taken ages to line those up just right.