Wednesday, 14 October 2009

Exciting/doomed interactive element

At the weekend, I won this:


What is it? I don't know. Let's find out together, because the internet is all about sharing.

I am fairly confident when I say it is used in the cooking/baking arts. The mystery object has two not-quite-pointed ends, with a ridged middle section. It could be a rolling pin, and maybe it is, only you would end up with a rubbish criss-crossed pattern all over your pastry, which I quite often do, but not intentionally. Here is a picture that gives an indication of its size, in comparison with the 30cm Mr Men ruler I have had since I was about 6, and a regular household teaspoon, that I have had since I was about 28, probably.


I am hereby setting a competition in which enormous amounts of prestige and an actual genuine prize will be awarded to the best person/the first person/a person/someone/anyone/seriously, anyone at all (roll up, roll up to watch me crash and burn!) who either a) guesses the correct identity of the object, or b) provides the most entertaining explanation, in the case of me never finding out the answer to a) myself.

'What is the prize?' I am deluded enough to think I might hear maybe one of you briefly wondering, before you go and read some other, more interesting blog. I will tell you. The prize is a delicious jar of marmalade made by highly desirable, adored-by-upmarket-lifestyle-magazines company Daylesford Organic. I also won this at the weekend, yet am prepared to give it to you. This is not the benevolent gesture it may appear. My congenital hostility towards marmalade has been well reported on these screens.

Here is a picture that allows you to judge the size of the jar of marmalade alongside another jar of preserve, in this case the hyberbolically named St Dalfour Rhapsodie de Fruit raspberry.


Basically, I just like the look of these two jars next to each other. Daylesford is the Eddie Large to Dalfour's Syd Little, the Gary Barlow to its Jason Orange, the much fatter Paul Simon to its Art Garfunkel, the Ted Bovis to its Spike Dixon (Hi-de-Hi seems to have become my go-to sitcom for lame comparisons). The Daylesford marmalade also comes in a rustic, I-made-it-myself-in-my-Cotswolds-farmhouse-while-wearing-a-Boden-dress, clip-top jar which, while being stylish, does also look a little like someone has opened it already and stuck their hand in, WHICH THEY HAVEN'T. Well, not me anyway.

So. Hit me with your best shot. Somebody please.

Terms and conditions: 1) I am basically in charge and will give the prize to whoever I like. 2) This does not affect your statutory rights. 3) I don't really know what your statutory rights are, but I don't see how they could be affected, right? 4) No purchase necessary. 5) There is no cash alternative. 6) This competition is open until I finally become resigned to the embarrassingly slim number of entrants and put us all out of our misery.

16 comments:

Salvador said...

This competition generated - in a butterfly flapped its wings kind of way - two exciting sub-topics around our breakfast table.

a) The wallpaper behind the mystery object and whether this was or was not "fashion wallpaper".

b) My wife remembering that she had been given a jar of Draylsford jam by Elizabeth Murdoch's production company when attending a work "awayday".

Anyway I thought the object was the handlebar section of one of those wooden organic Scandinavian (probably) bikes much beloved of the offspring of the middle-classes (nothing wrong with that) in Hackney where we live.

Although unlikely to win with this lame offering, I don't like marmalade either so in the event nobody else enters (even more unlikely given the stakes and jeopardy involved here) I'd prefer Laurel to Hardy.

Salvador said...

Although I've now just realised that the last bit doesn't work as Hardy - while fatter - was also taller than Laurel so I guess that scuppers my chances completely.

Salvador said...

And it is of course Daylesford. Sorry if you got unnecessarily excited at receiving three comments. Another fine mess....

Hel said...

I think it's a useful wooden implement for prodding at annoying children and/or flatmates who might get under your feet mid-bake. It looks sturdy enough to deliver a pointed warning to any would-be bowl-licker. That's what I'd use it for anyway.

Simmo said...

It looks like the 'spokey stick' that my sister and I once dreamed up to use against cyclists (although its use was never implemented). The idea was that whenever a pesky cyclist runs a red light or fails to stop at a zebra crossing in front of you, you whip out your stick and jam into their spokes, bringing them to an immediate stop. A short, sharp tumble ensues and a lesson is learned not to do this irritating manouvre again.

However, now that I am a cyclist myself and realise how much easier it is not to slow down for a zebra crossing if possible (too much momentum lost), I have adapted the 'spokey stick' for use against other cyclists. Those who run red lights nearly mowing people down but bell-ringing furiously as if it's their right of way. Ditto to the pavement cyclists. They all deserve a swift poke.

I do also think I know what it is. And it has a brrrrrilliant name. Should I say or will that spoil things so early in the precedings?

Anonymous said...

Can I have the ruler as a prize instead? (Not that I know the answer - if the ruler is the prize thought I'll make it my life's work to find out)...

Miss Jones said...

Honestly, this is going way better than I would ever have thought.

Salvador, the more comments the merrier is what I say. Your Laurel and Hardy facts are impressive but will not be considered come adjudication time. However, you do score extra points for correcting your own spelling, and also for such a genius answer that is entirely appropriate to the area of London where I won it, which you could probably call the Hackney of south London. In wallpaper news, I couldn't say if it is a fashion wallpaper, I can only say it is a Laura Ashley wallpaper, and it is my bathroom wallpaper, and I put it up myself, which I would be very proud of if I had managed to do it slightly better. You will notice that the photo is carefully framed to avoid showing any of the ropey joins or peeling bits. Also, I am excited to be the subject of discussion at anyone's breakfast table.

Simmo, this is an aggressive and dangerous suggestion, but also, hahahahahahaha. You can say what you think it is. If it's what I'm also thinking of, I'm not sure it should be so pointy at both ends..?

Hel, this is genius, and precisely what I will go on to use the mystery object for once the competition closes.

Anonymous, if you have ever read this blog at all, you will know I am nothing but a sentimental idiot, so the ruler stays with me. I'm very glad that you like it though.

Robert Hudson said...

I know what it is.

Simmo said...

Alas, I fear you are right - although I am glad to have added the word 'spurtle' to my vocabulary.

Miss Jones said...

Despite my reservations at its double-ended pointiness, I think it is almost certainly a spurtle. Do you concur, Dr Hudson?

More creative guesswork still welcome, obviously.

Frances said...

I think it is an implement that you apply to your lower legs to create the illusion that you have previously been wearing socks. A bit like how in the war they pretended to be wearing stockings by drawing on their legs.

Miss Jones said...

Hi Frances. I love this! I'm not sure of its practical application but really, who cares.

Ralph said...

I'm sticking with my initial guess, at the ceremony, of gnocchi roller. Sounds like the sort of twee-I'd-like-a-house-in-Tuscany-but-if-I-could-afford-one-I-wouldn't-have-a-first-house-in-East-Dulwich-let-alone-Peckham-even-if-it-is-"Bellenden-Village"-so-in-the-meantime-I'll-spend-£50-on-gnocchi-roller-from-Green-Cuisine-and-every-week-my-two-sprogs-Tarquin-and-Perdita-shall-dine-on-fine-Italian-fayre-and-I'll-concoct-some-myth-about-being-taught-how-to-make-gnocchi-by-an-old-nonna-in-a-backstreet-in-a-Tuscan-hillside-village-when-I-entertain-my-friends-Gideon-and-Jemima-even-though-the-gnocchi-they're-eating-is-from-Sainsbury's-cos-let's-face-it-it's-a-bit-of-a-fag-making-your-own-innit-and-after-all-I-was-too-tired-having-spent-my-afternoon-pointing-Tarquin-and-Perdita's-M1-Abrams-armour-plated-pushchair-at-pedestrians-on-Lordship-Lane kind of thing you'd find in these parts.

Holly said...

I live in Scotland. I offer that information as a loose apology for the slightly geeky contribution that is to follow:

1. I don't think it is a spurtle. A spurtle is like a wooden spoon with out the spoon (basically a stick, sometimes with a thistly thing carved on top) used for stirring porridge.

2. I think that this is a rolling pin for making oatmeal.

Miss Jones said...

Well, Holly, this has thrown a spurtle into the works. Or not. You should know, by the way, that no contribution is more warmly received on this blog than a geeky one.

Ralph, haha, I will be heading to Green Cuisine ASAP to try and sort this out once and for all.

ren said...

i don't have a clever answer...or more honestly, i don't have an answer at all. just a suggestion. look in the indian cooking sections of stores, if such a thing exists. i think i may have found something very similar...