Friday, 5 November 2010

Only when I barf

When I was little, I would occasionally watch a hospital-set sitcom called Only When I Laugh. It was on ITV, so I was probably feeling pretty bloody rebellious whenever I tuned in.

I remember Peter Bowles and James Bolam in dressing gowns and striped pyjamas. I probably remember Richard Wilson in a white coat.

And I think I remember this: as a kind of catchphrase, James Bolam's character would beckon someone to his bedside, lift up the sheets that covered him and say 'Do you want to see something
really horrible?'

Well, readers, that is what I'm saying to you today.

This is what someone, somewhere, is calling the Christmas pizza.


(Hand: model's own.)

The traditional pizza base is wearing a vest of gravy under its toppings. There are thick layers of turkey. There are diced roast potatoes. There is some kind of sausage meat/stuffing aspect. There is brie.

I will say that again. There is brie.

There is a large amount of
jam cranberry sauce.

Even though this is, on paper, a revolting proposition, you will notice from the picture above that half of the pizza has already been eaten. This is because in this sort of situation, the Infinite Grazing Thereom comes into practice, which says that if you leave any item of food, however unpleasant, in the environs of a group of office workers for long enough, eventually it will be eaten.

9 comments:

legend in his own lunchtime said...

It does look a bit like pavement Pizza. You should try out you theory by making something from the leftovers in the bottom of the fridge and topping the pizza crust. It could be interesting to see how long it lasts

Anonymous said...

Only When I Laugh can be found nowhere at all on You Tube (or at least, remains persistently unfound after a 2 minute search).
In the 21st Century of course, this means it simply doesn't exist, like Shakespeare's Love Labour's Lost or some lost Beatles masterpiece.
Shame I was going to post a link of the title sequence.

Anyway, last week's nostalgic TV reference, Chockablock DOES exist, so let's have a bit of that...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnWcm5dr45s

Mr Tx

violet ~ creme said...

Ah, Only When I Laugh, I bloody love that as a child! That, and the one with the firesome and wonderful female surgeon from Surgical Spirit. The two are kind of the same show in my head, though.

That pizza *actually* looks like vomit on dough. Where on earth did you purchase such a thing?!?

Pauline said...

Pizza is not my favourite food by a long shot, but this looks particularly gruesome.

I see we shared a rebellious teenage streak - what was it about ITV that meant our parents banned it? For years I didn't even realise ITV existed.

InvisibleWoman said...

I have just eaten: A bowl of soup, a breadroll, a piece of cake, 3 chocolate coins, another breadroll, a packet of crisps (salt and vinegar), a handful of nuts, 3 more chocolate coins. Now I feel slightly queasy. I blame your pizza offering. (I am that person in the office kitchen).

Alison Cross said...

The brie is slightly mystifying - no prawn cocktail?

All that aside, I WOULD probably eat this. I eat most things - other than soft-bodied craps - they're utterly vile.

Ali x

Alison Cross said...

oh bugger!!!!

SOFT BODIED CRABS, CRABS, CRABS!!!

Ali x

Patricia said...

I would eat this. There. I said it.

Shrimptowers said...

Surely a better topping that that other seasonal favourite - mincemeat and nuts?