Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Show time

I hope you'll understand that I cannot let the festival of the Lambeth Country Show – south London's premier faux-rural pageant, which took place last weekend – pass without some kind of post mortem. Long-term readers, of which there are at least three, will recall that during this annual weekend, I have met with both Triumph and Disaster. I couldn't really say that I treated those two imposters just the same. If I'm honest, I wasn't all that jazzed about the latter but, despite this, my enthusiasm for the show remains neon-bright.

With that in mind, perhaps you can guess how excited I was to have been swanning around the 2011 LCS wearing this:

Me. Performing. At the Lambeth Country Show.

I know what you're thinking. But no, it wasn't the renowned Miss Jones reggae sound system that I was bringing to Brockwell Park. Not while I'm still working so hard to pay for the speakers we blew out last year. And neither was I headlining the main arena with my dog display team who, I'm sad to say, were not performance-ready in time for this year's show. Lola the bichon frise remains reluctant to climb into the cannon.

No, it was as a proud member of my local choir. And I think that in the photograph below,
taken just minutes before we went on stage, you can sense the sheer anticipation of the frenzied crowd (that's the stage – or 'home', as I call it – on the left-hand side of the picture).

Please note the rain dripping from the roof of the tent in which I am taking shelter. IT IS PRACTICALLY GLASTONBURY.

All I can say about the experience is that I now know a little about how Beyoncé feels when she is psyching herself up for a major gig. I, of course, like to take a more modest, back-row approach to performance than Beyoncé who, between you and me, is kind of a show-off. Maybe let someone else have a turn every now and then, B? Not everyone is here to listen to YOU SING.

Anyway, that's enough showbiz, let's talk about the art, as Elaine Paige often says to me on the way into our life-drawing class.

In this blog, which is now over three years old, I do seek to avoid covering the same ground – with little success – so I don't want to probe too deeply into the politics of the vegetable modelling competition, but let me simply say that this poodle (unplaced) was robbed.

Or perhaps it is not a poodle, but a cauli. A collie. A cauli. Ahahahahahahha.

Still, I think we can all agree that 'The Royal Vegging' was a deserved winner of the first-place rosette.


Alison Cross said...

I am impressed. I seem to have landed the spot as organiser of the local Agricultural Show's Dog show in mid August.

I only volunteered to stick on stamps or type stuff into spreadsheets...

...anyway, how hard can it be to collate all the dog show entry forms *looks saucer-eyed and a bit mad*

The Royal Vegging is stupendous. I bet it was made by someone aged about 4 with a terribly competitive mummy.

Ali x

jaljen said...

The poodle-chimpanzee hybrid is undoubtedly interesting (in estate-agent-speak fashion, you understand). Perhaps merited a one-off award. An Esther Rantzen trophy perhaps.

I do look forward to the reviews of your performance. Please supply links in future posts.

Waffle said...

The Royal Vegging is EPIC.

Miss Jones said...

I KNOW! The person who made it also won best decorated cupcakes with an effort that was terrifyingly accomplished.

Anonymous said...

Ha ha. I was also performing on Sunday at the LCF. We didn't finish till after 5 and though I hurried over to the plant and cakes tents they had all been cleared away by that stage. It looks as if I missed a bumper year. Is it just me or does veggie Prince William look like a mini Des Lynam?

Ms Rose