One Hand Typing

I am not the fleet-fingered typist I usually am. This is because my left hand – the more intelligent and athletic of the two – currently looks like this:

And hurts like this: F!@%^&**J%)$^7

Despite its appearance, I didn't get it caught in a cartoon mousetrap. I had a little operation to remove some sub-ungual badness. Yep. I've got me some pretty flash-talkin' terminology. 

Although medical science refutes my theory, I would advise anyone against having nail extensions, even if they are free as part of a body makeover feature five years ago for the failing women's magazine which once employed you.

In the long dark hours while I wait for my allegedly high-strength painkillers to deign to be in any tiny way effective, I am amusing myself by performing silhouetted impressions of E.T. against my white walls, and ordering and reordering my preference of day-surgery-ward complimentary biscuits. It mostly goes like this:

1 Bourbons

2 Digestives

3 Custard creams

4 Fruit shortcake

5 Shorties

but sometimes I swap round the digestives and the custard creams.