Sights That Make Me Want To Go Home, Put On A Cardigan And Some Nick Drake And Think Mawkish Thoughts About All The Needless Destruction In Our World

(No.460 in a brand-new series)

The chopped up piano, pavement-marooned, ready for rubbish collection.


Percentage chance that I would already be wearing a cardigan: 97

Percentage chance that I would already be listening to Nick Drake*: 2

Percentage chance that I would be listening to either The Essential Neil Diamond, The Look Of Love by ABC or the Footloose soundtrack: 93

*On my iPod, obviously, being out on the street and all.

Shop windows on the street where I live

'We stock Himalayan salt.'


'Try our new biodynamic buffalo mozzarella.'

(You obviously have to take my word that that's what the words in the green blob say. I've never lied to you before, not consciously anyway, and if I did – let's face it, I probably did – it was an honest mistake. Although it's true to say that I've exaggerated a bit, fairly deliberately. The fact is, there were two staff members sitting very close to this window and I didn't fancy an angry confrontation when they spotted me taking a picture of their window like some kind of deli pervert. I mean, I pretty much am a deli pervert, but I don't want to fight about it. I just want to be free to live my life.)

Anyway, I'm assuming each of these window slogans are some promise of greatness, although I couldn't tell you why.

In addition, the newest shop opening in my area – the area that Phil Spencer, in this very week's Location Location Location, called 'funky', which is one of my rock-bottom least favourite adjectives, THANKS PHIL) – would appear to sell nothing more than paint and clogs. Exquisitely tasteful, highly desirable and doubtless ethically made paint and clogs. But still, paint and clogs.

Paint. And clogs.