I spent the weekend visiting friends in Leeds. On my outward train journey, we were treated to an impassioned monologue from a ticket inspector who I suspect may have been struggling with his sense of corporate loyalty and job satisfaction. This is a short extract (caps lock indicates booming tones of undiluted Yorkshire):
'GOOD AFTERNOON, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. WELCOME TO NATIONAL EXPRESS, THE NATION'S FINEST RAIL SERVICE PROVIDER. I HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING YOUR JOURNEY. CAN YOU TELL I'VE BEEN ON A CUSTOMER SERVICE COURSE? YOU ARE NO LONGER MY PROBLEMS, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, YOU ARE MY SOLUTIONS. [Breaking off to look with pity and scepticism at one passenger's ticket] GOOD LUCK IN GRANTHAM, SIR.'